The Influence of Others

As I think of my thinking, I am thankful (yet disheartened at times) by how powerful our minds are. When people encourage productivity with a simple phrase “ just put your mind to it” I do not know how often we contemplate the weight of those exact words. Our minds are powerful, sharp, critical, motivating, analytical, and pivotal to our very core. Today, I know that I am grateful for the interpersonal relationships and external influences on my thinking. I would like to take a moment to write about the very individuals who have encouraged me to pursue this CMHC degree:

First and foremost is Tom W., my old youth pastor who is currently pursuing licensure for counseling. About eight years ago I was in a season of struggling with depression, suicidal ideation, and chronic physical pain. Circumstantially I did not think that things could get worse but they did and I lost a lot of relationships with family, close friends, and then my health depleted. My parents required me to attend counseling with Tom since I was “scaring” them with my unstable mental state. Tom began to point out the lack of control in life, which I could not seem to manage or maintain. After a long list of personal examples I felt defeated but Tom questioned who was in control of my life. Later that night I sat and contemplated who was actually in control – to which I heard a still voice “I AM.” The Lord graciously rescued me and began to restore my life that night. Through further counseling sessions with Tom I began to realize that I need to accept what I can change and relinquish my grip from the rest of it. I learned how to sit in the “messiness” as a client and allow my life to be shaped by a counselor.

On another occasion I was talking with a friend, Graham R., about my passion for international missionary work and how I just wanted to quit school in order to help others overseas. He questioned my intentions of becoming a counselor and going to undergrad for psychology. Although I could explain my passion for the field of counseling and exactly why I wanted to help others find holistic health, I simply did not want to commit to being in school. I will never forget the words he said to me, “Jess if you want to be a counselor, the people you counsel deserve the best.” That day Graham reestablished my commitment to higher education for the sole purpose of becoming the best counselor I could be and to keep future clients in mind. 

About four years ago I was going through a very broken season of life and the Lord provided a friendship with Christie K. that would slowly refresh and restore my perspective of Christianity. From the first time we got together, we shared our testimonies and confessed our desperate desire for vulnerability within the Church. We choose to open up about sin, struggles, failings, and hardships that we are currently wrestling with. The Lord has been faithful in this friendship to reveal a beautiful brokenness that depends on His redemption. It has shifted my perspective on what counseling has the potential to offer – the presence of another individual’s soul to wade through darkness and drag in Light. I understand that there are many burdens, trials, and temptations in my own life that I cannot go through alone. I need someone who is willing to help which is exactly  where the counseling process or the Church should come in. 

Lastly, I have experienced the grief of losing individuals who did not receive or persevere through counseling. I have sat with one of my mentors, Jennifer B., through the loss of her husband to suicide. As she pursued counseling after the death of her husband, she was repulsed and disturbed by the “help” she received. No one was willing to just sit with her, without judgment, as she went through the roughest season of her life. She turned to me with numerous questions about the purposes of counseling and faith, but I rarely opened my mouth. In our time together all that goes through my mind is “how can I offer anything to you?” The truth is, I only have my presence to offer her and she is accepting that. She does not want the easy answers or lighthearted encouragement and knows I refuse to offer that. Instead she wants to be transparent and I want to be with her through that, in whatever way that may look like.

Our Sovereign Healer has used each of these instances to shape my heart. Every single one of these influences has directed me to the perfect example: the Trinity’s presence in our desperate times of need. As I pursue a career in counseling, I simply want to offer my presence, an environment that creates for vulnerability, and an empathetic heart that seeks understanding.